New to women, are you? :-D
Over time, Jon's sojourn with the Wildlings was a real revelation to him. He realized that they weren't the monolithic barbarian culture that he'd seen them as all his life.He came to understand that there were good Wildlings and bad ones, honorable Wildlings and scumbags, noble Wildlings and criminals.He understood that they loved and lived, had passions and fears and stories and histories.
He respected that.
He also fell in love with Ygritte, the woman he had spared from beheading.
Ygritte saw Jon slowly become — or almost become — one of them. She understood what was going on with him. And she also took pride in turning him. It was her — crooked-toothed, red-headed Ygritte — her love-making, her humor, her ego that changed a crow, the son of some Great Southron Lord, into one of the Free Folk.
She loved his shyness and his earnestness and she respected his hardihood and his fighter.
Then he refused to kill the man. And fled. Killed another Wildling. And she understood.
Jon lied to her. Jon was lying to her from the beginning. Not only in words, but in action. He became one of them. Not just to survive. But to learn their secrets and report to his superiors.
When he rejected the Wildling culture, he rejected her.
(And it was a conscious, planned rejection, too. He knew he'd have to do it someday and when the time came, he did it.)
Ygritte realized it was never her. It was always them. The crows.
Her "love conquers all" narrative clashed with his "doomed love" narrative, which was was what was playing in his head. The clash of these two different love stories pretty much fueled the whole relationship and kept them going at it in the sleeping bags night and day.
And her love story ended up getting completely shattered: it was a sham all along. So to her, he’d had her. He’d used her.
Jon Snow's narrative was the ultimate winner. He alone had the keys to the information that made her narrative impossible.
He learned from her. And he dumped her. And he had been planning to do it all along.
And then he rides off North to Castle Black, to betray their whole mission and doom it and them, including her, to death at the hands of the Black Crows.
So she shot him.
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