As a man, have you ever been sexually objectified?

WE are probably all sexually objectified at times…in somebody’s mind.

There are two times in particular that stick out at me.

• The first time I experienced it, I was at a bar in Denver. Somehow I got to talking to the clutch of women surrounding me. I was about 26 or 27; they were probably in their late thirties or forties.
  
  I quite enjoyed their attention but it was clear from some of the comments they made and the knowing glances that they were giving each other that they thought of me as a ‘'cute but stupid young guy’' who didn’t get their double entendres and such.
  
  In fact, I did get them, but at that time I was still kind of sexually immature; by which I mean that I did not know how to make any moves; I was clumsy with women; too much respect, in a way. So I admit that I sort of played dumb.
  I did feel a bit objectified. But it kind of titillated me. Nothing happened though, even though one of them made it very clear(in retrospect) that I could have gone there…and I did want to.
  
  As a fun aside, one of the women, who was very attractive and literally dressed like this:

• told me: When I go home I’m going to spread peanut butter on my self and let the dog lick it off. You know what I mean?
  I was too stupid to volunteer myself for the service.
  
  But there you go.
• The second time was a few years later. I was working as a waiter in a diner/pub in Denver. Although this bar wasn’t a gay bar, it was ‘'gay friendly” and quite a few gay people, mostly men, used to frequent the place. There was a set of drag queens that came in every Saturday night like clockwork at midnight , drunk, loud, and wanting to sop up the alcohol in their system with some diner food.

• Those guys made a lot of lewd comments to me and one of them even grabbed my ass at one time.
  
   It made me uncomfortable. Like really uncomfortable. Almost timid and afraid. A very weird feeling.
  
  I would NEVER treat a waitress like that, but I know that there are in fact men who do exactly that.
  
  In my opinion men(or people) who do that to women(or men) know exactly what they are doing. I don’t buy any “boys will be boys” argument or any other argument. It’s not really about sex so much as it is about them being in power as the customer. And abusing that power.
  
  The reason this incident bothered me and the first one didnt is because in the first one I could have walked away; whereas in the second incident, I was obliged to serve these guys. I had to take it.
  
   That is what bothered me. I couldn’t just walk away.

Now, these drag queens weren’t the only customers who hit on me.

But the other men were usually alone, not in a gang; they were polite, striking up intelligent conversation, and then leaving a note with their number or whatever.

I almost felt bad not being gay, some of them were so nice. Then I knew what it must feel like for a woman to be hit on by a nice man who isn’t her type.

And the women who let me know they were attractive in those days…I ended up sleeping with, having got over the sexual clumsiness of my twenties.

But that kind of thing isn’t objectification, anyway. It is just hitting on somebody. Which is what humans do.

Oct 5