What are some reasons NOT to move to Europe?

Note: this is from an American in Europe's perspective and it was inspired by a question asked by another American.

There are plenty of reasons not to move, but if you've got the urge, DO IT ANYWAY.

Vodka Martina, straight, no vermouth, olive juice, shaken with ice. Ten ounces of alcohol.

I remember sitting at a bar, drunk on vodka martinis telling my friend Andrew(now dead of brain cancer, found out on Facebook last year) how I was going to get out, how I was going to leave and never come back to 'this wretched, wretched country' again.

It was all I could think of. For weeks. I worked like a man obsessed as I hunted for a job online and gathered together the many documents I needed for the move to Europe, working overtime and saving money to cushion my impact when I made landfall.

I dreamed of a life of cafes and intellectuals , art galleries and dramatic romance, all set against of backdrop of ancient, ornate architecture; I dreamed I'd write the next Tropic of Cancer.

. I talked breathlessly of my dreams to my friend Alice--(so close to me at the time. Haven't talked to her since).

My friends supported me, got sick of hearing it. (never saw them again, anyway.)

I'd always dreamed of Europe.

I talked to my friend Daniel, who ended up moving to Berlin at about the same time. He lives five hours away from me. Haven't seen him since. Our mutual friend Phillip, a man who I'd had such stimulating conversations about art and sex and life came out in 2011 to Berlin to direct his first film film. , I heard about that. But we never could meet up. Right after wrapping, Philip had a heart attack and died back in Denver at the age of 43.

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First things first, though.

LIfe is not that much better in Europe, unless you're very poor, perhaps.

Though if you're truly poor, life is going to suck wherever you are. But at least going to the doctor will feel less stressful in Europe.

Europeans online are probably going to tell you that life in Europe is just peachy keen, leading you to think that it's all a soapy utopia. American leftists tend to feel the same. I should know. I am an American leftist.

It's true that they have some very fine systems in place in the EU, better than we have in the US.

But not everything in the world comes down to money and systems and so on. There are emotions and people and relationships you should consider.

Because take it from me. Life is life.

Life is what you make it.

I realize this is not profound, it's not original. Henry Miller I obviously am not.

That doesn't make it untrue.

If you're unhappy in America, you might be unhappy in Europe too. Happiness is not related to where you live.

That's just a bunch of nationalist (or super-nationalist, if we're talking EU) bunk. Treat it like the cow-patty it is. Anytime someone tries to sell you a vision that seems too good to be true, guess what. It is too good to be true.

Trust me.

I'ts not all this:

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An awfu lot is more like this:

Reasons for not living in Europe

They are personal, not political.

Forget politics. You'll likely never vote in Europe anyway.

Reasons might include:

• First and foremost your family.
• You'll hardly ever see them.
• Your siblings' children will grow up without you in their life;
• your family will love you but forget about you;
• and the next thing you know, you will be called back home because one of your parents is dying and you'll wonder where all the time went.
• You will feel totally cut off from the people you know and they won't relate to your issues or vice versa.
• You won't be able to relate as much to a lot of the people around you because they have a different cultural background:
• they'll have in jokes you won't get;
• quote movies you've never seen; and when you see them, they won't mean as much to you.
• You won't be able to get certain dishes or food products you crave.
• Ok, this is a small thing, for me. I can't get what I call good Mexican food here in Europe(which is really TEX-MEX, of course); but I can get other food. Still, you crave it and other foods.
• And when you mention your craving a lot of people will turn their nose up at you; they'll take it personally.
• It's little things like this that will make some people say: Then go back to America!!
• You will like an outsider because of your birthplace.
• This is something most people might feel sometimes. After awhile it goes away--you develop a thicker skin. But it can be something you feel acutely at first.
• You will hear constant criticism of the US. .
•  Don't get me wrong. You'll hear nice things too. But the problem is:
• You will hear your friends, family, et al reduced to dehumanizing stereotypes
• It'll happen, unless you just shy away from conversations with any kind of depth. And sometimes you might not be in the mood for it. Eventually you get over this, too, though.
• You will lack for a safety net of family and friends.
• You lose your job; you get pickpocketed on the way to the bank; you blow all your money doing something stupid...and it's a lot harder for anybody to bail you out. Start thinking ahead and really responsibly NOW. Because if you get in trouble, you don't want to run home with your tail between your legs. How embarrassing! The guy who shook off his home country only to come crawling back like the Prodigal Son. No thank you.
• When you go back home, you will realize that living abroad has changed you to the point where you won't be able to relate to your countrymen.
• Because you'll always be comparing this and that to here and there--and they won't relate to that.
• Because you won't know who the hell Miley Cyrus is or why the hell everybody is talking about her.
• Because the social rules of conversation will be different and you will adapt to them; and then you will be perceived as rude/politically incorrect/insensitive or whatever.
• some people will radically change their personalities and beliefs to please the people around them, to fit in; others will develop a ridiculous idealization of their home country(in your case, the USA) that doesn't match up with reality.
• Either way, it's pathetic.
• Bureaucracy is a mother.
• There's not getting around it. You will have to deal with it. And you will rage about it. But it won't go away. It'll cost you money and time. Because you don't just 'move' to Europe. Not if you're smart. News flash: most Europeans don't WANT immigrants. There are Donald Trumps in every country; the rest of the world doesn't know about them, though. It's not impossible but it's a pain.
• Unless you move there really fluent in the language, you are going to face some serious, serious loneliness.

• I spent a whole summer, sitting by the river in my town, doing nothing all day but throwing pieces of bread of the old medieval bridge of the town I lived in  to the trout which amassed underneath. I didn't have any money that summer, so that was my entertainment. Pre-e-book era too. Lonliness will lead to soul searching. It can strengthen you; it can make you a man; but it can also drive people crazy. I have definitely met some really cuckoo expats in my time. Like, a LOT of them. Maybe up to 50%.

Now, those are some reasons not to move.

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IF YOU HAVE THE URGE, DO IT ANYWAY

Having said all that, I absolutely think that if you're curious you should try it, if you are young and childless.

And I want to repeat that last bit: if you are childless.

Don't move abroad with a kid, unless it's for a job that pays a LOT of money so that you can afford to put them in a good international school.

Still, if you are childless and especially if you are young, GO FOR IT.

Do it smartly--research where you want to go; get a job there ahead of time if possible.

Give yourself some time there, too. Six months givs you a taste of a country: try two years. Live two years in Europe and see how you like it. Don't accept mommy and daddy's money. Unless they are really well off. In which case, milk 'em for all their worth!

Your ancestors, white or black or Asian, crossed the Atlantic(or the Pacific) in a 60 foot boat in conditions we'd call appalling today. If they could do that, you can stick it out and make it in modern Europe on  your own.

In that  two years, you'll go through good times and bad times, but after two years you will have settled down enough in a routine.

You will know yourself.

You will understand the country you've moved to.

You will see your own country in a completely different light.

You will see good points and bad points about where you are.

In the cocoon of not understanding what is going on around you, you will be forced to observe human nature.

You will gain the wisdom of being someone who is not a member of ANY nation.

But life will still be life. And when you really realize that life is still life and you are there where you are, wherever you are and all those other coffee mug clichés, then you make a permanent choice. To go home or to stay away.

Because the longer you stay away, the harder it's going to be to get back into the labor market back home. And that's going to matter more and more as you get older.  The longer you stay, the longer you will HAVE to stay.

Most Americans choose to go back home.

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But it's an experience, no matter what.. And whether you decide to go home in the end, or stay, you'll be glad you had the experience.  I think anybody in the USA who can should move abroad: to Europe, to Asia, to Mexico, South America, wherever. Experience life! See what it's like. Learn another language.

And you might forever regret it if you don't.

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Now, I'm sitting in my kitchen in my comfortable house in my small town in the country drinking...tap water. I don't go to cafés that often. I haven't written the next 'Farewell to Arms'.  I mostly eat regular food I cook myself at home with my family.

I work about  50 hours a week because I'm a business owner and that means you work more, no matter where you are.

I'm a 45 year old man with heart disease, but I walk 7 kms every day for my health and I have 6 weeks of vacation time a year. I have a comfortable salary and I don't have to worry about stuff like deductibles and co-pays and all those other American insurance terms which I don't even honestly know the meaning of.

I have a beautiful and smart son who speaks two langauges and will soon start learning a third..

I get books in English on my Kindle(greatest invention EVER) and I can communicate in English online whenever I want.

My life is pretty good. But it's not perfect. No place is. YOu might be happy here. YOu might be happy in sub-saharan Africa. Who knows?

I fight with my girlfriend sometimes, and I have health problems; I feel major stress at work sometimes, just like you do in the states.

People who tell you life is so much better here are just vile natonalists...

But it was a good move overall  for me. Even if that guy at the top is totally gone. But my family is here and so is my life.

Updated Tue •